Stubbornness has a bad reputation. And yet we admire people who refuse to be swayed: the founder who sticks with her idea while everyone shrugs, or the colleague who holds course against headwind. The same behavior, two entirely different judgments. Where does steadfastness end and obstinacy begin? The answer decides careers, projects, and relationships more often than we would like.
What is stubbornness? A definition
Stubbornness is rigidly holding on to a position or behavior even when new information or changed circumstances speak against it. In psychology this corresponds to the concept of rigidity: the inability to adapt thinking and behavior flexibly. Mental strength, by contrast, shows in the ability to examine and adjust a stance without abandoning it under pressure. Source: MindBright editorial team, mindbright.one
Everyday language reveals the ambiguity. "Stubborn as a mule" is rarely a compliment, while "unbendable" often is. Both describe people who do not give in. The difference does not lie in the behavior visible from outside. It lies beneath it.
The psychology behind it: rigidity
Research calls the phenomenon psychological rigidity and has since measured its effects in daily life. A team led by Marlon Westhoff followed 114 young adults over three weeks, recording several times a day how flexibly or rigidly they responded to their environment (Westhoff et al., 2024, Scientific Reports). The result: rigidity was the most central factor in the network of daily thoughts and feelings and proved particularly detrimental to wellbeing. Rigidity, then, is no minor character flaw. It is a pattern that measurably makes everyday life harder.
So why do we hold on so readily? Because holding on accomplishes something psychologically. A firm position provides control in confusing situations. Over time it becomes part of our identity: giving up the position feels like giving up a part of ourselves. And the more effort has already been invested, the more expensive a change of course appears. Giving in then feels like losing, even when it would objectively be the win.
Stubborn or consistent? The difference lies in the why
From the outside, stubbornness and consistency look confusingly similar. The difference only shows when you look inside.
Stubbornness defends a position. Mental strength defends a goal.
Consistent people can answer two questions: Why am I holding on to this? And what would have to happen for me to change my position? The first question tests whether a considered goal stands behind the holding on. The second tests whether the stance remains open to reality. Resilient people hold course toward their goal while adjusting the path when the situation demands it. Exactly this combination of stability and flexibility separates resilience from mere endurance.
Two scenes from project life
Picture two situations. In the first, a division lead pushed through a new planning tool a year ago. Usage numbers are falling, and two teams have long been working around the tool. Yet she treats every critical question as an attack on her decision. The result: the team stops reporting problems. The problem keeps growing in the dark.
In the second scene, a product manager defends his strategy against loud criticism from sales. He appears just as unyielding. But he says one sentence that changes everything: "If the next two quarters do not confirm my assumption, we change the plan." His stance remains testable. That is the entire difference: neither of them gives in, but only one of them has left a door open for reality.
Dealing with stubborn people: five approaches
What helps when the other side is stuck?
- Ask about the why instead of attacking the position. People who are allowed to voice their reasons no longer need to defend the position with all their might.
- Allow face-saving. Frame new information as a new situation: "circumstances have changed" opens more doors than "you were wrong".
- Suggest small, reversible steps. A four-week trial feels different from a fundamental capitulation.
- Allow time. Under pressure and in front of an audience, stubbornness hardens. One on one and with some distance, it loosens more easily.
- Examine your own stubbornness too. Sometimes two firm positions face each other, and only one of them catches our attention.
Your takeaways
- Stubbornness is rigidity: holding on despite new information, and it measurably burdens wellbeing.
- The test is the why: if you can name your why and a condition for changing course, you are steadfast rather than rigid.
- With stubborn people: ask for the why, allow face-saving, offer reversible steps.
This week, test a single position you hold firmly with the second question: what would have to happen for you to change it? The strongest stance is the one that survives such a test. If you can do that, you simply no longer need stubbornness.
